This week my family attended the
memorial service for our cousin Jennifer. As my family gathered to
say good-bye to our sweet cousin, who left us far to soon, I looked
around the room at the my family and I realized that I have been part
of this tradition for more than fifty years. We have come together
to mourn the loss of grandparents, parents, brothers, sisters and
children. After I got home, I started thinking about all these
occasions and the lessons I have learned and theimpact they have had
on me.
As a young child, I had a lot of
experience with funerals. In January of 1956, my Mother's
Grandmother died and two weeks later her Mother died. In March of
the next year my paternal grandfather died and in December of that
year his Mother died. Three months after my Great Grandmother died,
my Uncle died. So, before I was ten, I was completely capable of
planning a funeral. Of course, someone else would have had to pay
for it. On every occasion, the routine was the same.
We would all be in and out of my
Greatgrandparents house. One evening the family would meet at Rose
Funeral Home to receive friends. The room was a large hall with
different areas for people to sit. This would usually last for a
couple of hours and sometimes the children would talk quietly in the
hall just outside the hall. We knew not to wander around the
mortuary and I cannot recall anyone ever being repremanded. We were
part of a serious event for our family and we knew it.
Still, it was hard to be quiet for so
long. We did not have phones or ipads to amuse us. I don't remember
even having colrong books or other little toys that are so common in
churches today. So I would always look for my Aunt Marcene or Aunt
Aileen to head toward the restroom. We could leave with an adult
and all the girls would follow them. Thank goodness it was a large
room, more like a lounge than a bathroom. They would go there to
smoke a cigarette and we would go with them, not just for the break
from having to stand quietly while friends and neighbors came by to
pay there respects, but to hear the stories from from our Aunts.
They might be dicussing last minute arrangements such as who was
bringing what to the family dinner or who might need to stop at the
store on the way home. I can't remember what they talked about, but
I still remember that I loved them even more for not shooing us away.
The next day we would meet at Rose for
the funeral. Rose had a place for the family to meet and they would
enter the chapel after everyone had arrived. The family sat in a
smaller room on the side of the chapel separated by a screen. You
could see into the main part of the chapel and I always though that
it would be nice to sit there. After the service, the family would
be escorted to the cars that were lined up for the processional to
Lynnhurst Cemetery. Lynnhurst was lined with weeping willow trees
and had a gated archway at the entrance.
After driving to the cemetery and
making our way to the grave site, a few last words were said, our last
good-byes as well.
Then the family would go back to my
Great Grandparents house to eat. The family would crowd into the
small house that always had room for one more. Food would be set out
on the dining table and we would go around the table in cafeteria
fashion choosing what we wanted to eat and letting the Mothers would
weave in and out of the line over to fix plates for the smallest
children. We did't have any special order, we never had a children's
table, it was all of us together as one family.
At every death we repeated this same
ritual. There is a sense of comfort in this and in being confident
that the worst times will bring out the best in your family. As time
has passed, our family has become much larger and since we live
farther apart, we don't see each as often we once did. However, when
we get together, it is still very much the same. I enjoy talking to
my cousins and catching up on the latest news. Although it's been
more than fifty years, I can see us sitting the hallway of my Great
Grandparent's house just being together.
Lovely. Our familiar rituals do bring comfort at times like this. I am so sorry for your loss; glad that you have been surrounded by family.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written.
ReplyDeleteCyndy, this came up in my memories this morning. So beautifully written and reflecting our shared history. We have come together several times since Jennifer passing - saying our final goodbyes and loving on those closest to the one who passed. Thank you for you gift of the love of history. Our family is stronger for your gift.
ReplyDeleteThank-you
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